So what if I don’t really “trust in the Lord” completely?

trust in the Lord

We all know that we should “Trust in the Lord”, right?

I have been having serious “trust” issues lately. I seem to be reverting to my old self – Yeah, that one…the one who tended to always be in control. The one who wanted seem to take matters in my own hands, as if all the variables in the life we live in are controllable.

Don’t get me wrong. In my head, even in my heart, i want to trust in the Lord completely. Trust in the Lord – I keep telling myself.

And yes, being that type of person, the one who didn’t really “trust in the Lord’ again made me miserable.

We mothers, the skillful multi-taskers seem to have a knack to take the reins and “take over”… so to speak. We become so accustomed to it that there it actually takes no effort to do that. But that was a dangerous move that I made.

Psalm 9:10 (New International Version)
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you

You see, this seemingly innocent shift in perspective was actually deceptively deadly – it drove me far and far from the truth that I was, (including the entirety of the universe and the circumstances that surrounded me) were in God’s absolute control. I have always known in my head, that God is Sovereign. He is definitely in control. But still I fell apart, and took matters in my hands.

I was not living out this 

 “trust in the Lord” concept.

 The “control freak” in me decided to take over. And wheeww! – i had its share of disastrous consequences.

In Proverbs 3:5 it says,
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge hime and he shall direct you paths”

Perhaps, you are thinking…Oh, I’m a Christian, but I do that all the time and I don’t see much harm when you are in your not “trusting the Lord” moments. Well, that is simply a wrong train of thought.

My Disastrous Consequences when I do not trust in the Lord

First of all, I sinned against God. I did not trust in the Lord according to what He commanded in His Word. I have offended Him by not trusting and relying on Him completely. Whenever I profess with my mouth or in any written or published work such as this one, I proclaim that Jesus is indeed my Savior and Lord. Then I have the gall to thank him for the fabulous blessings and yet have that bold tenacity to withdraw my unconditional reliance on Him when the going gets tough? I guess you could charge me guilty of “Faith of convenience” – trusting the Lord only when things are turning out according to what you intend them , or as you hve planned them. Well, I hereby state my plea – I am guilty. I have sinned trust in the Lordagainst my God, and I humble seek His forgiveness and restoration.

Secondly, I have offended my brother in the Lord and lifetime partner, Dee as I have displayed lack of trust in the God who loved me and acually gave Himself for me. To him, I have become a stumbling block. It has taken his firm and loving rebuke to make me realize how shaky I stood in the midst of what apparently ws unfavorable circumstances in the family.

Thirdly, I have not taken hold of the joy that is supposed to be overflowing in the heart of every believer as a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling. It said in Philippians 4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice”
Well, that verse was certainly not a suggestion – it was an imperative. And the last few days and weeks that I was trying so hard to make sense of what i took hold of in my own hands, i became a sour puss. Uh-uh- absolutely no “love, joy or peace, etc” could probably be detected around me.

And last but not least, I worried too much. That is seriously a trust issue. 

When you are worrying, you certainly are not in the “trust in the Lord” zone.

Philippians 4:5-7 (New International Version)
5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I am grateful that I have been rebuked. I feel so much better knowing that God has forgiven me and that I bear no burden for the way things turn out, God knows what He is doing. I am at peace.

Psalm 28:7 (New International Version)
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

Lord, I thank you that you love me so much that you bring people to rebuke me and point out that I have seriously wronged you. I have sinned against you, O Lord because although I say with my mouth that I trust you, my heart and my actions reveal otherwise.

By your word and by your Spirit, O Lord, free me from this bondage of unbelief and lack of trust and reliance on You. I renounce any form of unbelief and lack of trust in You. You are trustworthy, You can be trusted. You are faithful. Regardless of what the outcomes may be, I pray that Your Name Lord Jesus will be magnified and glorified.

I commit to you my life, my family, my boys and our entire future in Your hands. I acknowledge that i cannot possible love my own family more that You love and care for them. By trusting in You, I put the very best of what you planned for all of us in Your capable and sovereign hands. Make me the kind of wife, mother, sister and daughter that would reflect the character that Jesus intends to have in me.

I choose to rejoice because You are my God and You are Sovereign in my life and circumstances.
I praise you Lord Jesus because You have heard my prayer and have changed my heart and perspective. Because of You, I am victorious. I hereby choose and resolve to trust in the Lord.

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